Have you noticed that when we are distressed or overwhelmed with feelings, we often find it hard to think rationally? This is because we don´t want to think about the thing that is distressing - that´s quite natural because thinking about it brings more negative self-talk! Human beings tend to avoid any discomfort, mental or physical, when the chance is given. However, we are very good at perpetuating unwanted discomfort by blame or self-blame: “He made me behave like that.” “This is my fault” or “I´m so stupid”. Our thoughts tend to go round as they can´t find any satisfying outcome and so we feel even more powerless and worthless.
Going to an experienced therapist can interfere healthily with this kind of circular stack thought.
So, why does it help you to talk to a stranger?
Because an independent therapist is here to understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours which are connected to your healthy or/and unhealthy negative beliefs. The therapist´s aim is to be empathetic, non-judgmental, honest and confidential rather than to be your best friend, who will likely give you a pad on your shoulder, however will not be always able to see things from the vital perspective. Within that safe relationship it is possible to understand and be very sensitive to your emotions and problems in a completely non-judgemental way. It is also possible to give gentle and straightforward feedback. As most of us know, getting feedback or constructive criticism from someone we know well can be quite tricky due to the emotions we often in cooperate it to that feedback.
Is there anyone out there who received “A life manual” when you got back home from the maternity hospital? I guess you won´t remember that....
Behaviourists believe that most stimuli to which humans respond to are learned and if the behaviour is unacceptable, than it can be unlearned. (CCBH,2010) Does it sound too simple? Well, perhaps it does, however if you think about it logically than we start learning from the day one. In fact we start learning in the womb. Our knowledge can´t be acquired any other way than by copying our parents, carers, and siblings at first and then other human beings in our environment. However, one can argue that genetics as well as organic habitual behaviour (i.e. babies crying as a response to noise) play its part in our personal experience of learning.
What sort of symptoms do you struggle with?
- Ineffective Communication
- Dissatisfying Sex life
- Violence in your close environment
- Depression or other health problems recur
- The bond of trust is eroded or broken
- Anger management issues
- Unhealthy habits
- Fears, phobias, anxieties
- Lack of self-esteem
- Exam nerves
- Inability to concentrate, procrastination or lack of focus
If you have recognised that some of the issues listed above have been part of your life then perhaps renegotiating and gradual re-learning of your rigid, inflexible or unrealistic beliefs, with a skilled therapist, can help build a more realistic and healthier relationship with yourself and the world around you.